found in my note app, from 2 month ago
i don't enjoy any of that, I'm not interested in any of that. but if she wants me there, i'll be there, if she likes that, I'll enjoy it. i wanna be her, with her, know her. i guess i'm still in love, i'll always be. because i once was. just wanna breathe the same air, cliché right, see the same shit, hear the same sounds, share the experience. maybe i'll feel alive, i know i won't. i'd like to try though. i might fall out of love then, if as i keep trying, i still wont able to be as myself. then i'd know that i can stop loving her, that it was never her that i loved, but what she could have been to me.